The snacks shop episode

The building where I work sports a small snacks shop on the fourth floor. They stock all kinds of unhealthy, and therefore highly mouth-watering snacks - oily corn samosas (my favorite), warm brownies, pastries, chips, biscuits, sandwiches, cookies - you get the general idea. The shop is managed by a lanky young man in his twenties.

The first time I ordered samosas he banged them on the counter on a paper plate.

"Excuse me, I'm going to take this to my office, could you pack them for me, please?"

The next moment a paper bag was slammed on the counter with a hostile stare that said, "Dus rupaiye ke samose le rahi hai aur packing bhi chahiye. Khud pack kar lena." I thought myself lucky he even gave me a bag at all.

The next time I was on my guard, and even ready for a scathing retort if need be. I was therefore surprised when he greeted me with a smile.

"Um, hi. Teen samose deejiye please."

"Madam aap yahan khayenge ya pack kar doon?"

What the hell! Where the heck did this change come from?! I smiled sweetly, took the packet and left.

This kind of thing went on for a few days - he'd have a pleasant smile one day, and scowl like The Dark Lord the next. Of course, I thought, it might just be his mood swings - we're all entitled to them - but he seemed to be veering in the extreme.

The mystery was cleared when one day I went there to order a birthday cake for my colleague. I chose the flavor and asked him by what time I could expect the cake.

"The delivery will be here by 3-4PM."

"Oh, that's okay, I want it by 4, so the time is fine."

The scowl was back.

"Look lady, I cannot guarantee the time, okay? It might be 6PM when the cake gets here."

"But you just said the delivery gets here by 4PM everyday..."

"So what? The delivery guy might be delayed, there might be a traffic jam, kuch bhi ho sakta hai. How on earth would I know when the delivery is going to get here?"

"Erm... okay..."

I called the shop at 4:30PM and was told the cake had duly arrived. I went there to pick it up. He stared at me vacantly.

"Well, where is it?"

He smiled pleasantly. "Where is what?"

It was getting too much for me to handle. I was irate, and reached the end of my patience.

"What the heck, I spoke to you at length today morning, ordered the cake, called you just now, you asked me to pick it up, and now you don't know why I'm here?"

"Oh, so you ordered the cake today morning."

"Yes, and you took the order."

"No, I didn't."

Turns out it was his twin brother. But of course.

It was one of those times when using Homer Simpson's famous phrase was fully justified.

Blame it on the weather

Summer - Such a warm and drowsy afternoon, the weather's making me really sleepy.
Monsoon - It's so cloudy and wet and gloomy, I feel like sleeping for a while just to get rid of the dullness that's enveloping me.
Winter - God, it's so cold and cozy, I just wish I could curl up in a nice blanket and go to sleep!

I realized a bit late that seasons change, but for me, sleep is constant.

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

I have never read science fiction before; I'm not familiar with the genre except for the odd super-hero movie now and then.

List of characters -

Arthur Dent. The unwitting earthman saved by Ford Prefect when Planet Earth is destroyed to make way for a new hyperspace bypass expressway.

Ford Prefect. One of Arthur's closest friends. He is a researcher from a faraway planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, and he is aware of the impending disaster to planet Earth. He was commissioned to Planet Earth to research material for the book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy.

Marvin, the paranoid android. An uncontrollably depressed robot, he can make ferocious machines commit suicide simply by making them listen to his woes.

Zaphod Beeblebrox. The two-headed President of the Galaxy, inventor of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (a drink), thief of the spaceship Heart of Gold, only known survivor of the Total Perspective Vortex, and what else... yes, seven time winner of "Worst Dressed Sentient Being in the Known Universe". Try beating that.

Trillian. Ex-Earthling. Arthur tried picking her up at a party once, but lost her to a cool dude. He is later revealed to be Zaphod Beeblebrox, and that Trillian had decided to pack stuff and go away with him because she found Earth really boring.

Slartibartfast. An architect on the planet Magrathea who designs planets for rich space-people. Kind of like a landscape artist, you might say. Oh, and he designed the Earth. Even received an award for the stunning coastline of Norway. Yes, the Earth was tailored to suit certain requirements.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy. A fictional electronic book that features prominently in the actual novel of the same name. Provides quirky insights into various situations. For example, when Arthur and Ford hitch a ride in the Vogon ship, the entry on Vogons reads, "Here's what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it."

The Story

The story is pretty much simple and straightforward. Earth has just been demolished into nothingness and Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect are forced to hike a ride with the Vogon airship that was the cause of said destruction. People whose only job in life is blowing up planets cannot be sweetness and light; our hitchhikers are unceremoniously thrown into space by the Vogon captain, but not before giving them a dose of Vogon poetry (considered the third worst in the world; people have died just listening to it.)

I cannot resist sharing Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz's heart wrenching poem with y'all - read, and weep/laugh/pull hair.

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly/thy micturations are to me/As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.

Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes. And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"

Ford and Arthur are tied and made to listen to this goose-bump inducing verse; while Ford writhes in agony, Arthur is sufficiently in charge of his senses to praise Jeltz once he is done in the bleak hope that they might be spared. No such luck.

Elsewhere in the Galaxy, the two-headed President Zaphod is on his way to a spaceship unveiling. Right there, on the spot, he decides to steal it. The ship is the Heart of Gold, and due to its improbability drive lands at the exact spot where Arthur and Ford are stranded, thus saving their lives. This is where we're introduced to Marvin - the chronically depressed robot.

All of them then continue their journey through space, and finally land on a desolate planet, Magrathea. The people of Magrathea once upon a time (millions of years ago) were engaged in designing customized planets for the rich uns of the galaxy; then the recession came, and they just decided to sleep through it. Here we learn quite a handful from their architect Slartibartfast about what the Earth actually was, why two tiny rats want Arthur's brain, and yes, why exactly the Earth was destroyed.

Amidst all the hullabaloo the four of them - Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, and Trillian manage to make it back to the ship after being unwittingly saved by Marvin's depression (the battleship committed suicide after listening to Marvin's woes).

They then decide to go somewhere for lunch. The Restaurant at The End of The Universe.

My Take

You often come across books that drag for the first 50-odd pages - make you so sleepy you want to fling them against the wall, and just when you're about to give up, suddenly pick up pace. We have an exception of sorts here. The Hitchhiker's Guide is a feisty little bonanza that hooks you from the foreword itself. The book is wittiness at its best. Not the snicker-once-and-you're-done sorts, this is the ROFL kind of humor, the one that makes your tummy ache.

I used to read this in the local train, and I admit I got a lot of disconcerted stares - people probably thought I was loony or something, the way I snorted so many times. And get this - Douglas Adams wrote this book in his twenties! Makes the rest of us twenty-somethings go green, doesn't it!

Absolute must-read.

Animal Farm

In his essay Why I Write, George Orwell speaks about his love for writing -

"I wanted to write enormous naturalistic novels with unhappy endings...."

Animal Farm might not be enormous, but it is definitely unhappy. When I first heard of it and decided to read it, all I knew about it was that it was a book about animals on a farm who could talk like people.

List of characters worth a mention -

Major, an elderly pig. He inspires the rebellion and sets down rules for harmonious living. However, he dies of old age soon after the rebellion.

Snowball the pig. He is one of the leaders after the Major dies, but is driven out of the farm by Napoleon's dogs.

Napoleon the pig. Uncontested leader after Major and Snowball. Responsible for the downfall of the farm. I hate this pig more than I ever hated any other pig.

Squealer the pig. Majorly responsible for spreading good words about Napoleon and suppressing feelings of dissent among the animals. I hate him more than Napoleon.

Boxer the horse. Accepts everything without question and works like a dog, only to be sent to the slaughterhouse when he's old.

Then there are the dogs who are feared by everyone and act as Napoleon's guards. The hens, who rebel briefly against Napoleon and are squashed. The cows, meek and defenseless; the pigeons, who act as messengers and try to get animals from other farms to rebel as well.

The story in a nutshell - It all starts with rebellion and the ousting of Mr. Jones and his wife, the owners of Manor Farm (renamed Animal Farm). The animals assume control of the farm under the leadership of the boar, Major. He lays a few ground rules for a peaceful existence that the animals refer to as the Seven Commandments.

Things work out great for the animals initially; ecstatic that they're not working for humans anymore, they work harder than ever and produce harvests the farm's never seen before. Slowly, it is noticed that the pigs rarely work but are almost always supervising or ordering the other animals about. This is put down to their superior intelligence and the animals accept the turn of events without complaint.

With the old boar Major now dead, the leadership falls into the hands of two pigs, Napoleon and Snowball. Snowball is always full of intellectual ideas for the farm and how it could be bettered; Napoleon's only job is to undermine Snowball's ideas. One fine day Snowball is chased away by Napoleon's ferocious dogs and never seen again.

As the years fly by, Napoleon becomes supreme leader and dictator and the Seven Commandments initially written by Major are now altered to suit the pigs. Napoleon's descendants are now the rulers, not allowed to mingle with the other animals, the lower classes. The pigs' supremacy is now absolute, and they even start walking on their hind legs, just like humans.

My take on Animal Farm - The book is a political allegory on the then situation in the Soviet Union; and I felt George Orwell was able to put forth the details of Stalin's rule beautifully. Accepted, the novel is depressing; but then so was Stalin's government.

The only thing that disappointed me was the manner the novel ended. I expected the animals to fight against the injustice that was meted out to them; however, they mutely accept their fate, their memories of good old days dimming day by day; they just have no idea that if they wished, their lives could be better. Maybe in some distant future Napoleon might have faced rebellion, but Orwell ended the novel before it could.

Nevertheless, the book is a must-read and a must-have in any library.

PS: You can also read George Orwell's essay, Why I Write. I loved it.

Sam the Sudden- A Wodehouse Novel

As is the case with all Wodehouse books, Sam the Sudden is full of delightful misadventures that miraculously come together and make everything right at the end. I like to rate his books based on how hard I laughed while reading them, and this one's a clear winner, people. It's consistent, got a little bit of mystery in it, and promises you at least one giggle per page.



The Story - Sam Shotter is an adorable and whacky young man who's been given the boot from his uncle's import- export business in New York and shipped off to London to work at the Mammoth Publishing Company. A few interesting twists of fate lead him to the house of Miss Kay Derrick, the girl whose photograph Sam has been in love with. He decides to woo her, and becomes her neighbour by leasing the haunted house next door, "Mon Repos".

Contrary to what everyone thinks, Mon Repos isn't haunted - the nighttime noises are the handiwork of a bunch of small time crooks who are searching for stolen treasure that has been buried inside Mon Repos. Now that the house is finally occupied, how will the crooks continue searching for it? Some plan needs to be devised to get access to the house, isn't it! Throw in a pompous Lord Tilbury with all his meddling, fake detectives who're in love with their waxed moustaches, Amy the ferocious-looking but completely harmless dog, Hash and Claire's rocky love story, small time crooks Soapy and Dolly Molloy, and what you get is absolute delight packed in some 100 odd pages. Hard to believe how everything can be set right in so less space, but Wodehouse manages to do it fine.

This book marks the birth of some recurring characters - Chimp Twist, Percy Pilbeam, Soapy Molloy, and then we have Lord Tilbury of Mammoth Publishing House (this one's his second appearance).

Sam the Sudden made me smile when I was down in the dumps, and that's saying something. Makes for a nice weekend read. Go for it.

An excerpt from Swami and Friends

Every once in a while you come across a book that strikes a chord, that is simply impossible to let go without being affected. This is one of those masterpieces. Swami and Friends by RK Narayan doesn't need any introductions, does it? I felt like sharing this particular excerpt from the book with you people - it has never failed to make me smile.

Swaminathan sat in his father's room in a chair, with a slate in his hand and pencil ready. Father held the arithmetic book open and dictated: "Rama has ten mangoes with which he wants to earn fifteen annas. Krishna wants only four mangoes. How much will Krishna have to pay?"

Swaminathan gazed and gazed at this sum, and every time he read it, it seemed to acquire a new meaning. He had the feeling of having stepped into a fearful maze. His mouth began to water at the thought of mangoes. He wondered what made Rama fix fifteen annas for ten mangoes. What kind of a man was Rama? Probably he was like Shankar. Somehow one couldn't help feeling that he must have been like Shankar, with his ten mangoes and his iron determination to get fifteen annas. If Rama was like Shankar, Krishna must have been like the Pea. Here Swaminathan felt an unaccountable sympathy for Krishna.

'Have you done the sum?' father asked, looking over the newspaper he was reading.

'Father, will you tell me if the mangoes were ripe?'

Father regarded him for a while and smothering a smile remarked: 'Do the sum first. I will tell you whether the fruits were ripe or not, afterwards.'

Swaminathan felt utterly helpless. If only father would tell him whether Rama was trying to sell ripe fruits or unripe ones! Of what avail would it be to tell him afterwards? He felt strongly that the answer to this question contained the key to the whole problem. It would be scandalous to expect fifteen annas for ten unripe mangoes. But even if he did, it wouldn't be unlike Rama, whom Swaminathan was steadily beginning to hate and invest with the darkest qualities.

'Father, I cannot do the sum,' Swaminathan said, pushing away the slate.

'What is the matter with you? You can't solve a simple problem in Simple Proportion?'

‘We are not taught this kind of thing in our school.'

'Get the slate here. I will make you give the answer now.'

Swaminathan waited with interest for the miracle to happen. Father studied the sum for a second and asked: 'What is the price of ten mangoes?' Swaminathan looked over the sum to find out which part of the sum contained an answer to this question. 'I don't know.'

'You seem to be an extraordinary idiot. Now read the sum. Come on. How much does Rama expect for ten mangoes?'

'Fifteen annas of course,' Swaminathan thought, but how could that be its price, just price? It was very well for Rama to expect it in his avarice. But was it the right price? And then there was the obscure point whether the mangoes were ripe or not. If they were ripe, fifteen annas might not be an improbable price. If only he could get more light on this point!

‘How much does Rama want for his mangoes?'
'Fifteen annas,' replied Swaminathan without conviction.'Very good. How many mangoes does Krishna want?'
'Four.'
'What is the price of four?'

Father seemed to delight in torturing him. How could he know? How could he know what that fool Krishna would pay?

'Look here, boy. I have half a mind to thrash you. What have you in your head? Ten mangoes cost fifteen annas. What is the price of one? Come on. If you don't say it—' His hand took Swaminathan's ear and gently twisted it. Swaminathan could not open his mouth because he could not decide whether the solution lay in the realm of addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division. The longer he hesitated, the more violent the twist was becoming. In the end when father was waiting with a scowl for an answer, he received only a squeal from his son.

'I am not going to leave you till you tell me how much a single mango costs at fifteen annas for ten.'

What was the matter with father? Swaminathan kept blinking. Where was the urgency to know its price? Anyway, if father wanted so badly to know, instead of harassing him, let him go to the market and find it out.

The whole brood of Ramas and Krishnas, with their endless transactions with odd quantities of mangoes and fractions of money, were getting disgusting.

Father admitted defeat by declaring: 'One mango costs fifteen over ten annas. Simplify it.'

Here he was being led to the most hideous regions of arithmetic, Fractions. 'Give me the slate, father. I will find it out.' He worked and found at the end of fifteen minutes: 'The price of one mango is three over two annas.' He expected to be contradicted any moment. But father said: 'Very good, simplify it further.' It was plain sailing after that.

Swaminathan announced at the end of half an hour's agony: 'Krishna must pay six annas,' and burst into tears.

You can buy this awesome book from Flipkart, or you can read the ebook here on Scribd.

Trysts with Wodehouse

How exactly do you go about reviewing a Wodehouse novel? No, no, let alone writing a review, how would you even begin to write a summary of the book?! I didn't realize I had such a hard task ahead of me when one day I breezily decided to write about Wodehouse books, one after the other. I started out with Sam The Sudden, my latest read; but days turned to weeks and there I was, staring at the screen, wondering where to begin.



Plots, and sub-plots (and even more mini-plots if that was possible) are all crammed into every book, and, just when you're thinking, hell, no way is all this going to come together and make for a smooth ending, you find yourself staring at the last page wondering how everything could turn out so right.

Gosh, what I wouldn't give to live just one day of my life in Blandings Castle! Perhaps, if I got lucky, I might even get to see the Empress of Blandings in all her fat glory. For those of you that have not been introduced to this lady yet - she's the prize pig of Lord Emsworth, three times winner in the Fat Pigs class at the Shropshire Agriculture Show, hehe.

Wodehouse doesn't need Harry Potter-esque magic in his books to take us all to wonderland - purely out of comic genius he's created a perfect world, a world where summer never ends, a world full of happy endings, a world where Jeeves, Psmith and Lord Emsworth are real. A world of never ending, magical delight.

Let me know people, if you have any personal Wodehouse favorites! Always excited to talk to another fan! As for me, I'll go back to my Sam the Sudden review and try and get to finish it. So long, right ho!

Dhobi Ghat Movie Review

There is no place for middle ground here - you either love Dhobi Ghat, or you hate it. Either way, you can't really ignore it.

I loved it, people. Hindi cinema is finally growing up. What's interesting is this movie isn't just about Aamir Khan, the superstar. The movie follows the lives of four people - Arun, Munna, Shai, and Yasmin.

The Cast

Arun is a reclusive painter, played to the hilt by Aamir. He gobbled up the part, easing into character like he were living it his entire life. Be it the careless way he makes his scrambled eggs, or the giddy happiness he feels when he looks at his work of art, Aamir is the master.

Munna is the dhobi, played by Prateik Babbar. The son of legendary actress Smita Patil, he does his mom proud. Endearing at times, curiously grown-up and matter-of-fact at others, Prateik is inching his way into Bollywood. He showed you don't need to bare your teeth to prove you are angry, or shed copious tears to prove you are sad. With a subtlety that most mainstream actors of today cannot dream of, Munna's role overshadows everyone else's.

Shai and Yasmin have been played by Monica Dogra and Kriti Malhotra respectively; Monica is like a breath of fresh air, and Kriti is, well, the lovely girl next door who no one can do without.

The Story

Unfortunately, I cannot write about the story without inadvertently spouting some spoilers - suffice it to say that Dhobi Ghat is the story of these four people, the story of a brief period in all of their lives. A brief period when their lives are entangled. Do they become better people afterwards? You are the judge. Do their lives change? Yes sir, very much.

The movie is completely based in Mumbai, doesn't have a single song, doesn't have a break, and wraps up in less than 100 minutes. Chew on that, Karan Johar and Bhansali.

I said the same thing about Inception, and I will say the same of Dhobi Ghat - don't miss it.

All India Silk Fair

I have this tendency to procrastinate almost everything - I really wanted to blog about the recent Hyderabad Book Fair that took place in December, but by the time I pulled up my socks and sat down to write, it was too late. For this one, I am on time.

Girls, moms, aunts, grans - this one is for you. The All India Silk Fair is on at Ameerpet, Hyderabad, and I had the good luck to visit it the other day. They have some impressive collections from all over the country - and boy oh boy, I had a hard time trying to keep my shopping instincts in check. I saw Pashmina saris for the first time, and was awed. Sambalpuri silks, beautiful patchworks and hand-embroidered silk saris that I've forgotten the real names of, real nice dupattas, stoles, and so much more.

Me and my aunt finally ended up with damages of 3.5K - two silk chudidar suits, and one pretty silk kalamkari sari. Beautiful stuff, folks. Quite affordable, too. Alright, enough praises sung.

The fair is on till 21st of January. In case anyone wants to go take a look, the address is - Kamma Sangham, Beside Chandana Brothers, Ameerpet. No way can you miss it.

Let me know if you buy anything. :-)