The One With The Dentist

I had been putting off going to the dentist for weeks; one of my incisors had decided to stain itself brown, a stain that made people wince every time I smiled. I was driving away from Hyderabad Central this weekend when I chanced upon a tiny dental clinic. What the hell. I went in bravely, paid a consultation fee to the receptionist before I changed my mind, and barged into the inner sanctum.

"Hi!"
"Helll-lllo!" *Nervous laughter*
"So, what is your problem?"
"One of my teeth has stained just a tiny little bit. On second thoughts, it's probably nothing a good vigorous brushing won't cure." *More nervous laughter*

The lady graciously asked me to lie down on the whatever-they-call-it patients' couch and instructed me to open my mouth.

"Good lord, you call this a little stain? There, there, tell me about your smoking habits."
"What the! Lady, I don't smoke!"
"Drink lots of tea and coffee, perhaps?"
"If two cups of tea a day count as lots, then yeah."

She then proceeded to poke my teeth one by one with a dangerous looking instrument that I cannot remember right now. That finished, she sighed, busily wrote something on my card, and  started rambling about how I needed atleast ten different kinds of procedures done to my teeth if I did not want to end up a toothless hag by the time I reached thirty five. Oh, and let's not forget the outrageous amount she nonchalantly rolled off  her tongue.

I stared at her, nonplussed.

"Remember, money is not important. Would you rather save a few bucks and watch your teeth fall off?"

"Err, no. The thing is, I've got this urgent appointment elsewhere... I need to go there pronto. So perhaps I can come back next week..."

She was shaking her head already. "Polishing and scaling will take just 15 minutes. It is completely painless, and you will walk out of here with ultra-white teeth. You can come back for the other procedures next week."

Hmm, time to do some quick thinking.

"15 minutes, you say? 15 minutes of ultra-painless dental thingummy to get my teeth white again? Let's do it!"

It took one hour. One hour of painful writhing and helpless squeaks from my side, and authoritative "You should bear the pain!!!" grunts from hers.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to me, she pronounced I was good to go. I shot out of that place like my behind was on fire. Since then, I have been diligently taking care of my teeth - brushing twice a day without fail, rinsing ten times even while just drinking water, and going to the extent of considering taking my toothbrush in my handbag to use it after every meal.

Anything, anything at all to keep away from having to make another dreaded visit to the dentist.