The snacks shop episode

The building where I work sports a small snacks shop on the fourth floor. They stock all kinds of unhealthy, and therefore highly mouth-watering snacks - oily corn samosas (my favorite), warm brownies, pastries, chips, biscuits, sandwiches, cookies - you get the general idea. The shop is managed by a lanky young man in his twenties.

The first time I ordered samosas he banged them on the counter on a paper plate.

"Excuse me, I'm going to take this to my office, could you pack them for me, please?"

The next moment a paper bag was slammed on the counter with a hostile stare that said, "Dus rupaiye ke samose le rahi hai aur packing bhi chahiye. Khud pack kar lena." I thought myself lucky he even gave me a bag at all.

The next time I was on my guard, and even ready for a scathing retort if need be. I was therefore surprised when he greeted me with a smile.

"Um, hi. Teen samose deejiye please."

"Madam aap yahan khayenge ya pack kar doon?"

What the hell! Where the heck did this change come from?! I smiled sweetly, took the packet and left.

This kind of thing went on for a few days - he'd have a pleasant smile one day, and scowl like The Dark Lord the next. Of course, I thought, it might just be his mood swings - we're all entitled to them - but he seemed to be veering in the extreme.

The mystery was cleared when one day I went there to order a birthday cake for my colleague. I chose the flavor and asked him by what time I could expect the cake.

"The delivery will be here by 3-4PM."

"Oh, that's okay, I want it by 4, so the time is fine."

The scowl was back.

"Look lady, I cannot guarantee the time, okay? It might be 6PM when the cake gets here."

"But you just said the delivery gets here by 4PM everyday..."

"So what? The delivery guy might be delayed, there might be a traffic jam, kuch bhi ho sakta hai. How on earth would I know when the delivery is going to get here?"

"Erm... okay..."

I called the shop at 4:30PM and was told the cake had duly arrived. I went there to pick it up. He stared at me vacantly.

"Well, where is it?"

He smiled pleasantly. "Where is what?"

It was getting too much for me to handle. I was irate, and reached the end of my patience.

"What the heck, I spoke to you at length today morning, ordered the cake, called you just now, you asked me to pick it up, and now you don't know why I'm here?"

"Oh, so you ordered the cake today morning."

"Yes, and you took the order."

"No, I didn't."

Turns out it was his twin brother. But of course.

It was one of those times when using Homer Simpson's famous phrase was fully justified.

Blame it on the weather

Summer - Such a warm and drowsy afternoon, the weather's making me really sleepy.
Monsoon - It's so cloudy and wet and gloomy, I feel like sleeping for a while just to get rid of the dullness that's enveloping me.
Winter - God, it's so cold and cozy, I just wish I could curl up in a nice blanket and go to sleep!

I realized a bit late that seasons change, but for me, sleep is constant.

Yes, I am back to farming.

I left my farm high and dry a few months ago, and now I'm back with a vengeance. Most of my waking hours are spent thinking of ways to make my farm better; at least I have no control over what I dream about, so at night thankfully Farmville leaves me alone.

Tending to my livestock, rounding up baby animals, adopting lost ones, sheltering homeless calves, ugly ducklings, and Llamas take the most part of my busy day. I have to admit I have no clue on earth what kind of an animal is the Llama; the closest I've come to knowing a Llama is the Dalai Lama ;-). This doesn't stop me from tending to the animal with great fervour, asking my friends to help if I come across a lost Llama in my farm, et al.

Oh, and yes, I am the proud owner of a library, a school, a couple of greenhouses, cottages with picket fences, a complete forest with every type of tree imaginable - cherry, passion fruit, durian, olive, magnolia, yeah well, you get the idea.

How can I forget the whole business of growing plants?! It is a painstaking process indeed - plow the field, plant seeds, wait for them to grow, harvest them on time, and repeat the damn process all over again. God forbid if you forgot the harvest timing! A bunch of withered crops are not the right way to start the day - they make your heart beat funny and you are subdued for quite some time, without even realizing why.

This experience made me realize how, if I am saddened by a bunch of withered virtual crops that don't even exist, farmers who toil day and night on their farms, waiting patiently for the rains to come on time, would feel if at the end of the day their crops are destroyed by a freak thunderstorm. Heartbreaking, to say the least.

For all you people who loathe Farmville and who make fun of us virtual farmers - please don't. I don't know if I can ever own a library in real life, or if I'll ever have a pretty cottage with white picket fences. I cannot explain it, but when I tend to my farm I feel happy. I feel happpy when I pet my animals and they jump a little, and tiny red hearts come floating out of them. I feel happy when I see my crops ready to be harvested, and I feel happy when I harvest a perfect bunch of red tulips.

Okay, I just realized this post has become too long - enough about farming, now! Will greet you with an entirely different post very shortly :-)

Facebook in Hyderabad! Woohoo!

Ah well, good news for Facebook fans around here - FB is launching in Hyderabad!

The internet is agog with this news, and is also flooded with comments - apparently, this revelation hasn't gone well with folks from other cities. People, people, if you are so mighty jealous of this fact, why don't you just move to Hyderabad here, eh? ;-) I am sure the team of Facebook had good reasons for having their first office here; obviously, they must've given the matter a LOT more thought than we do, and must've thought of a lot more reasons for having it's office here, than we can even possibly think of.

FB's main competition in India, Orkut has been around since quite a few years, and been ruling the roost for some time - but off late, there has been a change in trend, maybe largely owing to the tons of applications Facebook has to provide, and, of course, Twitter. Personally speaking, around two years back I was so addicted to Orkut that rarely a day passed without me doing some activity on it; now, it's come down to maybe once a month, and that is just to be active on the Blogger forums I'm a part of. Twitter is still catching on, in the sense that it doesn't offer much in terms of what we office people call "time-pass", catering mainly to the business person.

Whatever the facts might be, and however popular Facebook might turn out to be, it's team is going to have a challenge on their hands, and I guess they'll have to venture forward with caution.

It's the Online Sales and Operations team who's going to get recruited first - inside news is that the FB team in the US have contacted Adecco India, Hyderabad branch, to start the process of hiring. So buckle up all you sales people, and update your resumes!

And to the Facebook team, here's wishing you best of luck!

Babes Day Out!

It's been a ritual for me ever since I can remember - Every Women's Day, I get up in the morning, rack my brains for something witty, and SMS it to my whole address book. A couple of people reply back; and that's it. The rest of the day is pretty uneventful.

Not this time!

The babes at Pramati decided we'd go down to the cafetaria and spend some time together in honor of the occasion - it was our special day, after all. Our HR came over with a yummy chocolate cake which vanished in a matter of seconds, all diets forgotten. We got to talking, and suddenly one of us decided, wouldn't it be great if we took turns in sharing the good things we find in each other. What started for fun got serious, and pretty soon, it started in earnest.

I was reminded of the chain mail we receive every few days of a teacher, asking her students to list out one good quality against everyone's name, and how, years later, it turned out everyone saved their lists. At the time, I waived that mail off as silly, one of those mass mails you usually come across. How wrong I was!

There were around 14 girls at our table, and it was fun getting to know each one from other people's perspective. I realized how my perception of them was so very different from what they really were. When eventually my turn came, I could just stare back open-mouthed. I never gave a moment's thought to how the world views me; and hearing them say all that about me left me astonished. One of them described me as vulnerable - a quality I would never have associated with, and well, so on and so forth.

I know I'll cherish those moments for as long as possible, and I want to thank all those people who made it that way - Shifa, Apoorva, Tanuja, Namisha, Swati, Nehal, Sangeetha, Sushmita, Ranjana, Chandana, Mrinalini, Deepika, and last but not the least Amrita (I know you were not there, but hey, the times you, me, and Shifa spend together are all special, don't you think? ;-))

Thank you ladies! That was the most special Women's Day ever!

The Recession - Has it finally arrived?

People have been talking about it for months; the US has seen the collapse of a few financial giants, with the threat of more activity along the same lines. Mails have been coming on and off, about the best way to save our skins from the looming disaster. From what I've seen, read, and experienced, I can say a few things about it myself.

A few tips from Asha the Expert:
1. Think before you leap. Companies have been laying off employees not in tens and twenties, but in thousands. So, grab the job you already have real hard, and stop thinking about changing. You'll lose your only source of income, and might have to go back to the miserable old life of having to ask for money from Dad.

2. Stop splurging, start saving. You never know, you might be the next person in line to get the dreaded pink slip, and be out on the road with just a month's paycheck in your hands. If that happens, my friend, you'll need more than a month's salary to keep you afloat. Stop visiting those malls for a few days; believe me, you've already got enough clothes and accessories to last you a lifetime.

3. Invest wisely. Check out the scene before plunging into any investments. The market is in a really tricky state right now; just one push might turn the tables either way, and you know which way. Hold on to your cash, transfer it to a nationalized bank, if possible; stop those new investments, and, well, for those which you are already committed, double check once.

4. Quit worrying. All of us have bad times, once in a while. If you happen to be caught in the middle of all this melee, dont panic. Remember, this is not going to last forever. Times change, markets change, and stock exchanges change. It is all about how well you handle yourself in times of a crisis that will determine your future. Also, we never thought twice before asking Dad a few bucks; he'll not think twice before doing the same, now. After all, what are Dads for?

All the very best to us then, and here's hoping that we emerge unscathed from the entire episode. God forbid, if something wrong does happen, don't forget to turn to your loved ones for support. That is something you'll never lose, come what may.

Manic Mondays!

Well, contrary to what I've written as "Manic Mondays", Mondays are not manic at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Mondays can be safely termed as dull, boring, and sleepy, and the one thing which I absolutely hate is waking up to another Monday morning. It is all very nice for the Tom Sawyers of this world, pretending tooth ache and going to the extent of even losing the tooth in question(!!!) and conveniently missing school on Monday. If only it were as convenient for us poor employees. Ahh, well, I dont deny that I exercise my little gray cells on Sunday evening( you gotta be prepared in advance, guys!) and think of probable and convincing excuses for going in a couple of hours late on Mondays. My favorites being, a visit to the doctor(I have an unbearable pain in my tummy!), a visit to the bank(havta send money home, they need it badly!), bike's punctured(we both know I'm lying, but try proving it!) and, the most classic excuse of all, which the boss cannot refute in the most extreme of circumstances - Traffic Jam. Traffic jams are a boon to us here in Hyderabad, and invariably used by more than 50% latecomers. The rest is all quite easy, and something I'm quite adept at... Pretending to be busy and harassed at work, giving the boss an impression that you are one of the few hard workers left in this world; roam around the office a couple of times during the day, shuffling a few papers and muttering to yourself; this also gives the boss the same impression. Open Gtalk and Yahoo Messenger stealthily, and chat to your heart's content. Before you know it, its evening, time to leave, and thats another dreaded Monday laid to rest. In relative peace.

Leaflet from a devil's diary - A short story

Dear diary, I opened my eyes to a dark, windy day. A perfect day for us devils, I thought, as I clapped my hands gleefully n stomped out of my bed. Performed my daily ablution of dustin' myself thoroughly wid ash. It took me the better part of an hour, n I did it with great fervour. Why is it, my dear diary, tht though I do it twice a day widout fail I dont get any fairer?? Hurried to the office n smiled at the pretty receptionist, who glared in return. I mean, its not my fault tht I've got stubby legs n funny horns, aint it? Anyways, my momma says I'm the most handsome devil ever born, and let anyone who thinks otherwise rot in fungus!

The boss was positively fuming today, mebbe he's got somethn on his mind, the poor feller.... Heard from the grapevine that he's got severe poop problems, so why doesnt he go to the witch doctor and do somethn abt it, for chrissakes? Hell smells bad enough, and now he's just adding to it. Aargghh, hell is teeming with hundreds of new souls everyday, and these guys don't even give me a raise for all the extra torture that I've had to do; cmon, how much more can a devil take?

PS: Guys, I've run out of ideas for this piece. In case any one has any idea as to how to continue this, please let me know. I shall be more than happy to write their name in this space. I look forward to giving this baby a happy ending, folks. Please help. :-(

Ever felt like quitting?

You ever have the feeling, where you just wanted to scream, smash the screen before you, and stomp out? Ever felt that mind numbing sensation, which you used to feel way back in college when listening to your parents' lectures? Aaarrgggh, I feel the same way now, buddies! Every morning I wake up and think, "Awww, Lord, no, not another working day!!!" If it wasnt for the life saving two days they call weekends, I wonder what on earth would've happened to me.

A boss who expects me to work wonders, and frowns when that (predictably) doesnt happen; a senior colleague who thinks she is the CEO of the company, and we are all born to slave under her; colleagues who feel the same as I do, which doesnt help matters any, cos all we do since morning is gossipp about everything under the sun, and collectively concentrate on new epithets for the manager. Sales is a real tough job, cos even though you are a star performer, the moment things begin to slack, you are dropped like a hot brick. You gotta perform, period. Now, I'm the sort of girl who's too fond of laziness; I hate people who boss me around, and I'm the perfect taurean - I can be very, very stubborn when I choose to be. All this combined, matters have gone from bad to worse with my new boss. I feel like running away, but not before I give everybody a piece of my mind. I've reached my limit, after seeing the same faces everyday, and doing the same thing over and over again, for two long years.

Sometimes I daydream about being born in the Ambani family, or the Mittal's; I probably would have gotten fat and round like their sons, but heck, what does it matter, anyway? You miraculously get surrounded by new friends, get invites to parties, and literally have a good time, without doing a single thing whatsoever. Hmm, I would get bored of it within a few days anyway, and clamouring for the life I am leading at present.

I guess the human mind always craves the impossible, always pining for something out of our reach. Guess I shall have to make an effort to like the slum I am in, and like the pests generally known as the managers, and the team leaders; appreciate the mediocre life I am leading right now, and daydream about what I could've had, if only things were different.